I don’t like to write in “real raw time”. I prefer emotional space, perspective, healing – and control of my emotions. This way, I can write exactly what I want to write, how I want to write it. Sadly, this entry is not one of those times.
Yesterday, May 5, 2011, my son, Joshua and I attended the funeral of Jordan. Jordan is the beloved son of my dear friend Yvette and her husband, Thomas. Jordan was 20 years old – same age as my son and the scores of young folk attending his funeral. Seeing their grieving faces juxtaposed against their youth and bright and shining futures was both heartbreaking and uplifting.
I got the call about Jordan’s death on Easter Sunday morning from a mutual friend, who assumed I already knew. Not believing what I was hearing (surely, Facebook is not ALWAYS right?!), I then called another friend hoping against hope. I then called Yvette. She confirmed the unbelievable.
Yvette often referred to her son as “King” Jordan, because like so many of us proudly do to our sons and daughters, he was spoiled rotten! And by ‘spoiled rotten’, Jordan knew he was loved, cherished, adored, supported in his endeavors, and respected. As her friend and as a mother myself, I know I must honor Yvette as she honored Jordan by spoiling her rotten as well.
So if you know of a mother who has lost her child, (regardless if the child was a 1st trimester miscarriage, a 20 year old like Jordan, or a senior citizen) please do not succumb to inaction as you wonder what to say, how to act, what to do. On this upcoming Mother’s Day – or on any of the other 364 days that follow – take time to spoil this mother. Share the great memories you have of their child. Listen, empathize, sympathize, and support her as she grieves and adapts to what is now the ‘new normal’ without her child. Be compassionate.
Joshua and I have a Mother’s Day tradition of going to the movies together. This year, I will wear my purple rubber bracelet inscribed with Jordan’s name and the expression, ‘Forever in our hearts’. And I will pray what I know: God’s strength will uplift Yvette as His grace comforts her.