I MISS MY MAMA


MomMy mom died today.  Well actually today is the anniversary of her death.  It has been a few years now.  It has been enough years where the deep ache in my chest and gut has dulled but still enough to be noticed.  Yet no matter how many years pass, I will miss her.  She was a good person and loving mother to me, her only child.  She became pregnant at a young age just entering her 20’s but she and my father married.  There were bumps and obstacles along their journey but they were an example of decent parents.  My father died nearly fifteen years prior to my mom; she and I had overcome his unexpected death.  We were always close but became even closer over the years.

I try not to focus too much on my mom not being alive but it is hard.  Only children if raised in a positive environment have a unique bond with their parents.  It sounds cliché however; my mother was my first friend.  We ventured around Chicago together visiting various museums and neighborhoods.  Guys would flirt with her…she never realized she was pretty.  There was not a vain bone in my mom’s body.  She could be moody but everyone has those moments.

One of the main things I miss about her is our daily talks.  Sometimes they would be an hour-long end of the day wrap up session about life.  Other times they would be a quick check in to be sure each of us were okay.  On her last day of life we did our standard morning text.  We weren’t morning people so texting was best not to grumble at each other.  I did mention the moodiness part?  On the day she died our last communication was at 7:04am:

Me: Good morning mommy I hope you have a good day. I love u.

Mom: Love u 2. Good morning have nice day 🙂

Me: I like my job but I’m happy it’s Friday 🙂

I am led to believe due to how I found my mom…many hours later that she may have passed soon after her last text.  I cherish those words mainly because I don’t remember many details of our last phone conversation that happened only the night prior.  I remember overall details but not the mundane parts of our conversation.  I have finally begun to let go of that frustration because what is important is my mother always showed me she loved me.  It was done in words and in actions, so for me there are no regrets in that area.

I would hope that someone reading this would take a life lesson from it.  Love your parents while you are able.  If there is some tension or conflict between you then try to work it out.  I know everyone doesn’t have the relationship that I had with my mom, they may never speak to their parents.  However, I would hope that you at least try.  We are all hurt by something outside of physical abuse and even then try to communicate through the anger.

I cannot relate to hating a parent.  I believe that is truly a blessing and something that should exist for everyone.  However, I know it doesn’t.  Yet, like I said, I had a loving mom and simply stated I miss my mama…still.

~~~

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sheree
    Apr 15, 2015 @ 11:42:25

    Thanks for sharing Sis. I loved your mom. I pray you continue strength and thanks for the words of wisdom. Love you!!!

    Reply

  2. Stephanie
    Apr 15, 2015 @ 10:47:57

    I love this sis…you know I can relate..thank you for sharing!

    Reply

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