Left For Dead

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This is not exactly a feel-good story.

A little over five years ago in 2005, on my 39^th birthday, my boyfriend John, was brutally murdered by my ex-boyfriend in my own home. The reason why I’m able to tell you any of this?  My ex-boyfriend thought he had murdered me too. He definitely ended my wonderful life as I knew it.  And yes, my ex-boyfriend did get life in prison, plus an additional 23 years.  I would have been equally satisfied with the death penalty, but that’s a debate for a different day.

The next three years were a blur.  I threw myself into the real estate career I loved,  moved from the crime scene and bought a condo in 2006.  I attended ‘The Police’ reunion concert in 2007.  Celebrated my son’s high school graduation in 2008.  The physical scars faded.  My friends and loved ones heard me laugh, again. Everyone got use to seeing me weigh 25 lbs lighter than I did before John was murdered.  I met a new man.

Then the fall of 2008 happened. And my fragile ‘new normal’ life ended too.

Within a six week period, my favorite Aunt Pat – and the heart of our family – died.  I was laid off from my New Homes Sales Manager position the day of Pat’s memorial service.  In case you didn’t notice, the housing market imploded during this time, taking my dream job and thousands (millions?) of other jobs with it.  And the relationship I so hoped would be proof that there really is love after John; well, it painfully ended.

I really don’t remember much from the last two years.  Except I did a lot of yoga, primarily to keep myself from committing suicide.  It worked.

By mid 2010, yoga was no longer enough to keep me sane and upright.  Although I had FINALLY landed a job after 9 months of unemployment, it gave me soul numbing stress.  Plus, the salary was over 50% less than I had previously earned.  Consequently, I could not pay my original monthly mortgage payments and the bank was unwilling to modify the loan (mental note to self, never buy a home at the top of the market).

I began questioning why I was holding on to a property that was keeping me house poor, ruining my credit and steadily depreciating. So I did what I vowed I would never do.  I told my pride to just SHUT UP ALREADY! And not worry about what others may think. I put my home on the market and moved back in with my sainted mother. I also   gave myself permission to reboot, rebuild, recharge, and re-do my life

It’s been 6 months now. Sounds crazy, but I actually turned down two jobs because I am determined to NEVER AGAIN accept employment solely to pay the bills. I’m up for a job as a New Homes Sales Manager Assistant. Keep your fingers crossed.  I’ve also decided to go back to school to follow the dream I abandoned over 30 years ago – becoming a lawyer. It could happen.  And guess what?  When and where and with whom I least expected, I fell in love. And I rededicated myself to my yoga practice which gives me spiritual balance and combats the 25 lbs I eventually regained.

Now 2011 is here and so am I.  Maybe this is a feel-good story after all.  It’s certainly a new chapter for me.