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When we talked in January, I was all about new beginnings, new chapters, etc. I thought I’d finally “found myself” and was ready to embrace life – despite the sometimes tumultuous changes – once again. I was feeling positive, optimistic, in love, and at peace. That was then. This is NOW.
And NOW looks something like this: That man that I was so in love with and thought was THE ONE? Well….. happily ever has been postponed…..indefinitely. The new homes sales assistant position I interviewed for back in September, and then again in November? Let’s just say…..it’s hard out here for a non-pimp, too. And going back to school to ultimately become the next Thurgood Marshall, Johnny Cochran or Sonya Major? Hhhhmmm…..I’ll get back to you on that one.
So what the hell happened between January now and right now? Faith happened. I stepped out on it.
I am a hopeless, and sometimes clueless, romantic. I think falling in love, being in love, the everyday-ness of love is what men and women (or men and men, women and women – no judgments here) are put on this earth to experience. But sometimes, things aren’t quite as they really should be. Maybe you hear “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, baby”. But he actually said, “I like your wit, your smile, spending time with you (which really means, the sex is great) but I also like the wit, the smile, and the time spent with someone else” And he absolutelypostivelymostdefinitely means that the sex is great with her too.
Or, you say, “You’re the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. You’re good to me, you support me in all that I do, and you always got my back”. You actually mean, “You may be the best thing since peanut butter met jelly, but we’re really better friends then lovers”. And what he actually hears is, “She’ll change her mind.” So between all the ‘he says’ but ’he means’, and the ’you say’ but ‘you mean’, you know this just ain’t working. So you step out on faith. Yes, it is scary and lonely not having a special someone with whom to share your life. But you assure yourself that you will not walk the earth alone forever. And in the meantime, there’s HGTV, the Lifetime Channel and chocolate ice cream. And you know what? Our relationship is now stronger than ever because there are no expectations, no miscommunications, and well, no sex to complicate matters.
I spent the better part of ten years in the real estate industry. When the market implosion claimed my job in 2008, all I wanted was my career back in new homes sales. Didn’t want to work at the post office. Didn’t want to work in a hair salon. Didn’t want to substitute teach. Besides, those jobs were non-existent too. I know, because although I didn’t want those jobs, I applied for them, anyway. I tried property management because I thought it would be a worthwhile professional “consolation prize” to the career I so enjoyed. Within six months, I was miserable. And I quit. Even though it meant: indefinite unemployment, giving up my condo, moving back home to Chicago to live (rent-free) with my mother, and feeling like a loser.
I felt like a loser alright. Going into Month 8th of unemployment and now feeling like a really stupid desperate loser, I jumped at the chance to interview in for a new homes sales manager in Virginia. I didn’t get the job. But instead of feeling devastated, I was relieved. Because by then, I’d had an epiphany: I am turning my avocation for yoga into a vocation and become a certified yoga instructor. And so I did my research, spent the last of my money for certification classes, thanked my girlfriend and her husband profusely for letting me crash at their home while completing my certification, and began my professional yoga journey.
Two weeks before the start of my first yoga training class, the new home builder in Chicago called. Yes, the same new home builder that I met with for over 6 hours during 2 interviews spanning 6 months in 2010. They were now ready to offer me the sales assistant job. The salary was not great. Ok, it wasn’t even good. In fact, it sucked. No money to not only save for rainy days, but not enough to replace my ancient car or even make rent and some (not all) living expenses. And the hours wouldn’t allow me to complete my yoga certification until well into 2012. The sales assistant would’ve got me back in the new homes sales industry. But I couldn’t afford it – financially, professionally, or spiritually. So I took a deep breath, held faith’s hand and stepped out again. I turned down the job.
Yes, I actually turned down a job, no matter how pathetic the salary, in this economy. And guess what? The same day I turned down that job, I landed a 2nd interview for a more yoga-complementary position. And wait, there’s more! I also received a call about another position advocating against domestic violence. Like becoming a yoga instructor, becoming a domestic violence advocate would align and help sustain the mind/body/spirit balance that is now non-negotiable in my life.
About going back to school this fall to complete my bachelor’s, my JD, and then becoming a lawyer (like my dad) and making my family oh so proud? I will let my family keep the faith on that dream for a while longer. I’m pretty busy right now, stay tuned….. Or, if you are not living
your most authentic self in your relationships, in your career, or in your own body, step out on your own faith. I promise you it won’t magically make everything all right immediately. But in bedded in faith is patience and resolve. And I have faith in you that you’ll be all right.
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PaisleyPerspective 